Everything in this book is true
It maybe won't appeal to you
Nobody considers going mad
So if you're sane, just be glad
Sometimes you will want to cry
And other times you'll want to die
Some stories here will make you sick
Don't read on if you want a kick
All I've really tried to do
Is pass the message on to you
To be mad is hell on earth
Depriving you of every worth
Please don't laugh and be so cruel
With this illness there's no rules
Just try to understand the pain
To really feel it, try again

I never met my granny on my mothers side
When they spoke about her, she'd already died
She had an awful accident, fell from a hay stack
Onto an upturned fork which spliced her front to back
She tumbled from the haystack full force upon the prongs
No-one heard her screaming, they continued singing songs
They found her in a pool of blood later on that day
She was taken to the hospital, it was a time to pray
She died that night in agony, her body wracked with pain
She never saw her children or her husband ever again
Did she know what happened, what had caused her fate
They didn't find her fast enough, in fact they were too late

Mother lived in the country with her Mum and Dad
When she came home and the door was closed she knew things were bad
Her mother would be lying there drunk and in a chair
All messy and dishevelled, snoring without a care
If she came home another day and the door was open wide
She knew that things were going well, nothing to fear inside
She went to school in wellingtons on lovely summer days
They laughed and made a fool of her so my mother says
Her mother laid out corpses, took in washing to earn a pay
Her father was a cowhand, working long hours every day
Two brothers and three sisters formed her family
But as she was the youngest girl she had to make the tea
She soon went into service where they worked her very hard
A first class good hard worker was written on her card
She had a friend called Duncan who loved to sing her songs
Whilst mother kept on cleaning, no-one could surpass
Her scrubbing was just marvellous, her cleaning was first class
Then her mother passed away one nice summer day
And her father made arrangements for wife number three to stay
Mother met my father and to her family said farewells
He was her almighty saviour - or that's the tale she tells
He took her to his homeland where he made her his bride
In a suburb of the city he took her to reside
Then they had three children and quite a normal life
She was just delighted to be his chosen wife
A long time they were married until at last he died
And we all thought without him she'd turn to suicide
Instead she started living life trying everything she could
Going to clubs and parties, we never thought she would
Makes her own decisions now, is in charge of her life
A happy busy women now she's not a wife
For the first time she can please herself, do just what she wants
Stay up late, watch TV, go on pensioner jaunts
No-one to control her, she just pleases herself
Eighty-one years old, a glowing picture of health
Who would ever thought that she would ever dare
To become this happy person, life without a care
It makes us very happy knowing that she can cope
When we were sure her plan would be to sit at home and mope
So people can surprise you more than you'll ever know
Take a look at mother whose always on the go

She was a simple country girl only aged sixteen
Who met my soldier father on an English country green
He was a man of twenty three who thought he was too old
For this poor simple country girl whose heart string he did hold

He waited for a year or two to see if she was keen
She was ripe and willing, he took her home to Aberdeen
His folks they didn't take to her, they thought that they were better
The joked and made a fool of her, anything to upset her

After a simple wedding they trudged home with a pail
Or that's the story I was told when I was told their tale
By then the war was starting and she waved him off to war
Returning home to England and her sisters house therefore

She stayed there with her sister and a baby son was born
My father he came home on leave, tired and forlorn
The little lad grew older and when he was nearly two
My father came to see them and up and joined his crew

The little lad was dying by that very afternoon
They took him in an ambulance, my mother in a swoon
Just before they took him he was heard to say
"Can Frankie have a sweetie", he died later on that day

They treated her so special, this darling little one
Then just three years later they had a another son
Just like little Frankie, their tears were all of joy

The little girl was happy, now she had a friend
Unaware her spoiling had come right to an end
He got the attention from that moment on
Their interest in their daughter was well and truly gone

Although she wasn't jealous, it wasn't really fair
To drop her for her brother, the favourite of the pair
They didn't mean to do it, totally unaware
That their little daughter had suffered such despair

Other people noticed and tried to ease the pain
To stop the daughter crying over and over again
She loved her little brother and had given him her heart
She never ever blamed him from the very start

So if you do have children you should realise
To treat them all quite equally would be considered wise
It's not your fault if you love one just that fraction more
But never let the others know, don't make their hearts sore

She took me out to work with her when she had to clean
The snow lay on the ground, it was winter, cold and mean
The people didn't care for me they shut me out the back
And mother kept on cleaning, afraid she'd get the sack
A poor and frozen two year old I stared into their window
How could these people shut me out, where was I to go
My mother said she'd had enough and told them she was going
They said, just stay, we'll take her in, but only 'cos it's snowing
Times have changed, years have gone, but she can still remember
When I was left out in the cold on a long ago December.

I was mothers second child the first one he had died
They made an awful fuss of me, kept me by their side
When I was three a son was born, just like the one they'd lost
I was too young to realise his birth was to my cost

They spoiled him and clucked and said he is very good
Friends and neighbours realised but they did not intrude
This little chap was special right from the very start
He helped to ease the pain of little Frankie from their heart

The years passed by and we grew up as different as could be
It still was very obvious they preferred the boy to me
Everyone still noticed, it seemed to bother them more
But the years had helped me understand, my heart no longer sore

I still know people pity me because I'm second best
I've been a loving daughter compared to all the rest
He doesn't call, he doesn't ring, he's still their pride and joy
Oh dearly did my parents love their darling little boy

My Granny thought the people who appeared on TV were real
Some of them she hated, others had great appeal
Jim Hardy of Wells Fargo was God to her
But others they were villains, well she thought they were

She said they took her money and bullied her each day
We tried to tell her, Grandma, they are only in a play
Right until the day she died she told us they were bad
But now I know the problem was that my Grandma was mad

She often hit my mother and smacked her on the head
She was away in her own world speaking to the dead
She was living in the past and not the world we knew
And as the years they slowly passed, her mental illness grew

She'd hobble slowly out the door to where she didn't know
And when she found she was dragged back she gave us quite a show
Nobody ever pitied her they just said she's so bad
Nobody tried to understand the fact that she was mad

Maybe her mental torment was just too much to bear
Maybe her life was easier in a world that was not there
No one tried to question her, everyone was the same
When I think of my Granny there is a sense of shame

As teenage Grannysitters, my friends and I were told
To keep an eye on Granny, in case she got too bold
With our loud sixties music, we danced right in her face
Supposed to keep her company, we were such a disgrace

Maybe she was terrified, scared right out her wits
As teenage Grannysitters, we really were the pits
We often talk about her and the treatment that we gave
I guess it was quite nice for her, when she went to her grave

Nobody to annoy her at home or on TV
She must be resting peacefully, as far as I can see
I didn't really like her, her sad illness saw to that
I know she didn't love me and she thought I was a brat
I wish things had been different and Granny had been sweet
That people had adored her from her head unto her feet
But life is never like that and Granny caused much pain
Thank God she's gone to heaven and will never be seen again

My Granny came to live with us but it was not a treat
Cantankerous and difficult, demanding the best seat
She made my mother's life hell and treated her like muck
When mother-in-laws were handed out mother had no luck

She messed herself and didn't care, had pandrops in her knickers
My brother and I we didn't care, we hid our childish snickers
I shared a bedroom with my Gran but had a separate bed
It would have been much kinder to keep me in the shed

She climbed on top of me in the night rambling all the time
Nobody thought to treat me so should have been a crime
In the night she took these turns when the blood went o'er her brain
While this poor child just closed her ears to take away the pain

When Granny died I'd like to say I had a broken heart
But all I felt was great relief the time had come to part
I know I didn't love her and was glad she'd gone away
Our lives had been a living hell since she came to stay

In the old days things were rough nobody thought or cared
They minded their own business, never stood and stared
Can you imagine nowadays treating a child so cruelly
I was that child, please understand, yes it was me yours truly