Rachel

You are stupid!
No I'm not.
He hates you!
He loves me.
You deserve it!
I do.

You don't belong!
I'd like to.
No one would miss you!
Yes they would.
You don't deserve them.
I know.

They think your crazy!
I probably am.
You're useless!
Not always.
You're a waste!
I am.

You're boring!
Sometimes.
You're lazy!
I'm trying.
Your sad!
YES I AM!

xxx Thank you for been here for me, my bff and darling husband. xxx

You see me the way I should;
I see BAD, you see good.
I see a monster, writhing in pain.
I see I'm sick, and almost insane.

You say I'm pretty, I say I'm not;
I say I'm ugly, should be left to rot!
I see the scars from years gone by,
I see the pain as you ask me why.

You say you love me, I know it's true.
Why can't I believe? See, I love you too.
I know when I hurt, you hurt aswell;
But I can't release my internal hell.

You are my rock, my one safe place;
I find my way back when I see your face.
You married me, till death us do part,
I love you my husband with all my heart.

I'm trying so hard to be "here" with you;
But the monster inside wants me too!
You keep strong, when I am weak,
Always knowing when to speak.

I sometimes really lose my head;
I sometimes want to just stay in bed.
But with a man like you I can now see,
There's a future and place in the world for me.

It's the monster within
That makes me sin,
The one who makes me
Cut my skin.

It's the monster within
That makes me bad,
The one who makes me
Really sad.

It's the monster within
That makes me cry,
The one who makes me
Wish I could die.

It's the monster within
That makes me feel
That I'm not alive,
That I'm not real

It's the monster within
That hates me most,
Who makes me see
The awful ghosts.

It's the monster within
That I wish would go
And leave me forever,
But he says no.

It's the monster within
That makes me hurt,
Who makes me remeber
And tells me I'm dirt.

It's the monster within
I wish I could kill,
Then it'd be alright,
Quiet and still.

But the monster within
Will never leave
Even with the pills and
Cuts up my sleeve.

My monster within
Will state my expression
For my monster within
Is called depression.

When I feel so mad I'm about to burst
When I feel like the world has me under a curse
When I feel so strange it starts to hurt
That's when it happens.

When the feeling of being out of control
Has me torn in half, no longer a hole.
When everything seems to take its hold.
That's when it happens.

It's then I see the fog come near,
Feel the calm and not the fear.
It's then I can even see past the tear,
That's when it happens.

I'll pick up the blade or maybe a knife.
I'll make it quick and quite precise.
I'll never try to take my life.
But that's how it happens.

I'll feel the calm wash over me.
I'll see it flow out like the sea.
I'll feel the pain has set me free.
That's how it happens.

When did this sadness all begin?
When did my feelings start to win?
Why all now am I such a mess?
Filled with everlasting nothingness.

When did others become so afar?
When did my world get squashed in a jar?
Why all now am I such a mess?
Filled with everlasting emptiness.

When did my life become so hard?
When did I forget to keep up my guard?
Why all now am I such a mess?
Filled with everlasting craziness.

When did I get quite so insane?
When did the voices start their game?
Why all now am I such a mess?
Filled with everlasting doubtfulness.

When did my thoughts stop been my own?
When did the nights leave me feeling alone?
Why all now am I such a mess?
Filled with everlasting loathsomeness.

So many questions I need to know
But who do I ask? who do I show
That all I am is such a mess?
Filled to the brim with all the 'ness'ness.