Poetry 2

How scarred it feels to be lonely
How darkened it can be
To see
That forlorn element of hope
That lies scattered
Amongst fragile thoughts

I belong to the shadows
Those which blaze
In everlasting blackness
Those which bleach the church walls
Those which scratch the stones with their gentle touch

At night tears fall like bolts of steel
Shattering the fragments of desire
Bleeding from their depths in decadence.

How can you weep with dignity pensive hero?
Curl up and cradle your pain
The screaming, splintering pain
Which eats you

Let it tear at your worthless mass
Let it come again
And again
For it shall forever haunt your body
Until the day may arrive
Where alienation bleeds into nothingness

Do you find that sometimes
Time stands still within you're mind
you drift off to another place
when all around you people race

In this place you're all alone
no TV no radio,no telephone
No bills No worries fear or foes
Just you and you're thoughts all alone

In this place you call you're own
you think of people you have known
you think of things you've said and done
of hearts you lost and hearts you won

You can think of all the friends you had
things that make you happy and sad
things that still make you smile
it's nice to stay for just a while

In this place you're a child that plays
it's good to think of happy days
you're not a mother,or a wife
in front of you,there's you're life

In this place where time stands still
you're never sad,you're never ill
you've never loved and lost you're heart
no one has torn you're world apart

In this place you cannot stay
you have to face the world some day
as time and years just go on bye
there's many tears you've yet to cry

In this place that's real life
you are a mother and a wife
As you sit and look around
is this happiness you've found?

But do you find that sometimes
Time stands still within you're mind?

Moonstarer - anagram - Astronomer

When the stars refuse to shine,
And the world we know's no more.
I'll be thinking of you only,
Of that you can be sure.

When the sun lays down his head,
And the angels go to sleep.
I'll be waiting at the end of time,
My promise for to keep.

When the sun kisses the moon,
At the end of time.
I'll be thinking of you only,
And the times that you were mine.

Caesura [ - ] strategic silence.

I could spend my whole life kissing you -
And still want more.

I could spend my whole life embracing you -
And still want more.

I could spend my whole life loving you -
And still want more.

I want to share all my life with you -
For Evermore.

Listen to the sound of wind in the trees,
I'll take you away on a soft Summer breeze.
It's so easy if you open your mind,
We're one of the same kind.

Over hill and dale and valley below,
I'll take you to a place only angels know.
It's so easy if you open your mind,
We're one of the same kind.

Long corridors, shuffling feet
Looking the other way to people you meet
Shaking hands, trembling lips
Saliva dribbling on the wooden seat

The jailer's keys hanging on belts
They rarely asked you how you felt
It's part of the illness is all they would say
Just keep taking the pills - every day

In the depths of despair
No future could I see
Just a black tunnel
and me

After my long journey
That went on for years
Much pain, many tears
I could see an end to my agony
A future, reality

I could see the light, a glimmer of hope
I can't give up now a voice in me spoke
So I live for each day glad to be alive
I hope one day I will arrive

My memories of you are very clear
You having a fag and sipping beer
You're gummy smile lit up a room
Why did you have to go so soon?

This is you my uncle John
you were here and now you're gone
So many things I wanted to say
Why did you have to go away?

Life and death go hand in hand
Sometimes it's hard to understand
Now here you lie all dressed in blue
I tell myself this isn't you

I wish that you were still around
Instead of in this lonely ground
I know that now you're up above
Looking down on those you love

You come to me within my dreams
It's very real or so it seems
Then I wake and you're not here
I think of you and feel a tear

I think about you every day
And miss you so in every way
This is you my uncle John
You were here and now you're gone.

Miss you, Nicola

I pulled myself though the stagnant air before tomorrow had begun.
Recent was the charm and only for a short delicate moment, a lapse in my
continuum, did my haste beckon me, pulling my strings and coursing my manner.
All this was tolerable through impeccable accuracy. Wonders so great, forever
unspoken till this very dead sky. Tremors lay wake as my body passed through
the wayside of desire. Climbing and scratching the walls with every weight of
my heart. Unfortunately, I have exceeded only myself in this lustful quest.
Being thy only victor, pride is a tool greater than self destruction. The
price of one so ambitious comes all at once, and then is lost forever in lie.

If I saw beauty, would she range in my mind.
Would she wonder across the pain and touch the shrine.
It is held upon a mountain top, where the skies and seas never stop.
The air is cool and warm with love, delicate flowers are shaken from above.
Sweetness is tasted within the sand and all I would give her, if she'll just take my hand.

Yet alas, I have spoken more to much, the fire has risen and split my tongue.
So speak no more riddles and lies, for you know her not, or what she hides.
If truth was good within her heart, another story I would start.

Excuse me please for such a thought, foolish pride is a trough.
Entering through thoughtless plain, people sad and sick complain.
About their needs, sorrows, and woes-deceitfully all the devil chose.
To pick apart the joy inside and give illusion to reside.

It's been a long road till I've reached where I am
Winding pathways - which way should I go?
Sadness and disappointment have followed me

Not much joy in my life
I feel like a failure - nothing much achieved of note
My family let me down; nothing ever good enough for them
Sadness and disappointment have followed me

Is this hell on earth? I ask myself
So much sorrow and crying
Heartache and pain
Sadness and disappointment have followed me

Is there and end in sight,
Or do I have to keep on walking this never ending road
I look up to the sky - no help there
Sadness and disappointment have followed me

I have reached my limit
I cannot continue - what choice do I have?
Sadness and disappointment will follow me

In the abattoir of human machinations
The noble savages estranged descendent's
Are ephemeral flitting's of protoplasm
Inching towards the stars
Memories of infancy running on sand
The age of wonderment sublime
Night time dangerous animals lurk under the bed
Tomorrow retribution turns diurnal

Arise oh son in fine grammar schooled
You are their host they wait enthralled
The man with the bashed and roguish face
That chilling spectre of malevolent grace
Those banished wraiths who stifled shout
Entreat compassion from without
Beware, beware their fateful stare
And struggle free to live, to err.

Stuck, trapped, raped from the inside,
Things are so different now, you know but you don't know,
Friends turn to enemies, your head turns to something unknown,
Heaven and hell become one, you must finish the quest,
The quest for happiness again, awake from the sleep, only to find yourself,
But memories live on, and so will I.

I want to remember when my life was free
When the fear wasn't there, and I loved being me.

Tis but a dreadful day
As the sky turns gloomy, the happiness fades away.
All hope is lost for that one little girl
For she knows what's about to happen will make her head swirl.
All she wanted was for someone to love her, to treat her right
She was too weak, she could no longer fight.
If only someone hadn't given up on her, if only they cared
She wouldn't be in this situation, she wouldn't have dared.
"Oh well, that doesn't matter now." She said to herself
She slowly opened the cabinet, and took the pills off the shelf.
"It'll all be over soon." She thought as she sighed
"No more hatred, no more pain." She thought as she cried.
She wrote a note, "I love you mom, I love you dad
It's not your fault, and please don't be sad."
"They'll be sorry when I'm gone." She thought as she walked into the Den
No more broken hearts, no one would hurt her again.
She opened the bottle, "No more procrastinating." She said aloud
She swallowed a pill, then another, "I'll finish the bottle." She vowed.
She finished the bottle, and then she went to bed
She fell asleep. It was done. She was dead.

I cry out, as obvious as myself will allow
Yet no one listens, they ignore my cries, at least for now.
Maybe if I cried a little louder they'd know I'm in pain
But I cry softly, for if I'm heard, what shall I gain?
I'm failing everyone beyond belief, failing without a try
I can't let them know, I can't make them cry.
Through all my fake smiles, no one can see me crying
Through all my fake laughter no one can see me dying.
But is it them that don't see, or me that don't let see?
I'm scared they'll get tired of my failure, and take up and leave.
Some tell me they'll never give up, but I've heard that before
I want to believe it, I really do, but I can never be sure.
I want to cry loud enough to the ones I love, to the ones by my side
I know they can help yet I must hold it inside.
For I cant be a burden on their lives
And I cant bare to see the hurt in their eyes.
I've hurt them enough, and I don't want to hurt them anymore
I'm supposed to be "better" why am I still hurting? Will I hurt forevermore?
All these questions, thoughts, and feelings, without a cause
All I ask is for a break. Not a stop, just a pause.
One quick, solution comes to mind, but I know its wrong
"It works," says the voice "That's all that matters" it goes on.
"It just causes more failure, more hurt in loved ones eyes."
"They wont find out, just put on your happy disguise."
I'm not sure I could live without my precious pain, this "drug" that I do
Although I know I should stop, it doesn't mean that I want to.
When I sometimes do decide to seek help, no one is there
I'm always tempted or in need the most, when no one CAN care.
Besides no one understands, and some even fear!
So I'll escape to the only friend left, the one that's always here.
Trying to stop is just making me feel worse
I'm seeking a way out, but none can be found, so I keep traveling this course.
When I try to stop I feel scared, desperate, alone, tired out
New emotional feelings, and physical sickness come about.
I'm tired of fighting, Its too hard a battle with to easy a surrender
The surrender to that which I love, that which I need to escape all pain I endure.
Sometimes I just need the assurance that I'm alive, and in control
Sometimes I need to get my mind off the pain, each cut doesn't have the same goal.
Although cutting was once something I did, it has become who I am
I don't cut, I am a cutter, I got myself into this addictive scam.
I'm lost, confused, hurting, but no one is near
Sometimes people are there physically, but my crying out is too low to hear.

I can't live without
Someone who love me
It's like I'm empty inside
I call my soul
To forget and forgive me
I want her to be so kind
And I know she will
She have a big heart
She take whole my mind
Be my life
Don't try to broke my heart
I'm soft and smooth inside
So baby why? why?
Why you don't answer my heart question ?
why ? why?.... Or you wanna to say goodbye !
When I hear your voice
I think I don't have choice
To say your voice is so nice
And if people say
I have to forget you
I can't live without you
I know how you feel
I know when you see me
Your blood is moving so fast
And I promise you
How ever the time is move
We'll be together at last
So baby why? why?
Why you don't answer my heart question ?
why ? why?.... Or you wanna to say goodbye !

I took a deep breath
The midnight breeze was tantalizing
Her rose scent filled my lungs.
I followed the scent,
Her scent.

Down the streets and paths
I prowled for her scent.
The scent caressed my mind
Enslaving me to its utter control.

The wind ripped at my body
And yet, I found
The strength to walk the path
And follow her dead red roses.

There amidst the trees
She stood.
Staring into the lonely distance.

A gust of wind whipped and lashed
Her hair like a proud eagle
Spreading its dark glorious wings
Preparing for flight.

The brilliant white moon
Lit up her dress
Like a candle
Glowing in the dark.

I approached her
Like a prey hunting its hunter.
She turned delicately
And in her left hand,
The black thorny rose lay
Prickling her beautiful white palm.

The hair lavished her shoulders.
I breathed in
The air was intoxicated
By her black rose.

The right porcelain hand rose
And I gently kissed
The carved hand
Of cold dark marble.

Her two diamond brown crystals
Sparkled with delight
As I looked into them
Searching for my lost soul.

Her voice is like the wind
Sending jerks up my spine.

The black rose blossomed
As I saw her turn away
Looking at the dying moon.

I closed my eyes
Listening to the wind cry
As I lapped up
The scent left in the air.

I opened my eyes gently.
There was darkness
And her black rose.
The rose swelled
Swallowing me like a fly in a spider's dark tendrils
Encasing me within the silk black petals.

I laid my face on the soft,
Gentle petal.
My eyes swelled,
Two gemstones drops slid down
Disappearing into the dark realms.

A brilliant white halo
Wisped me away from the rose.
I turned despising the agony.
I am alone once again.
Ion the distant,
I saw a small man with Her
Hobbling by her side
And cackling away
Disappearing into the darkness.

Squeezing in a gasp of air
Burned and thrashed my wasted lungs away.
Yet.
The sweet taste of roses
Lavished the dawning mist.

I lay silently on my back,
Waiting,
Ever hoping,
Ever thinking,
Ever still wishing for her return.

Once again like once before
I find myself outside a door
and pausing whilst I find a key
the one that opens up this me
The corner of my eye was caught
with something new at first I thought
closer now I see it all
my safety net in case I fall
laid about for my defence
when stumbling into life's nonsense

Left behind I am.
Moving on I have to.
I don't want to go.
I cant stay here.
Why cant I stay.
My friends have gone.
My family's leaving.
I don't want to go.
I have to change but why.
I scared my mind is here.
My life is there.
Why must I go While I am here.

I am alone at night and no-one hears me cry
for my loss is so great my tears are all inside,
I look fine to look at
people say I'm great,
but they don't hear my screaming
they don't hear me call her name,
I held her in my arms, in my dreams she sleeps beside me,
I wake to this nightmare that she's no longer there,
I live this life in dreams, in hope that she'll return
but I know he took her from me, my little baby.

Guns are raging and lights are flashing,
in the night strong swords are clashing.
In came men who thought they were brave,
but now they know who they could not save.
Bodies lying all around, evil flames just lick the ground.
In a hut a man is beaten, at his heart those men had eaten.
Cold and lifeless the man lye there, his eyes are in true deep stare.
He left at home his recent wife, his love and light of his little life.
Never would he see his new born child, in his mind his thoughts go wild.
Thinking of all the men whom he killed, of all the men who screamed and shrilled.
In his heart are the aches of a soldier, but in his mind are the beaks of a vulture.
As the sounds slowly fade and fall, it is now he knows he has seen all.
The heartaches of a soldier stay, although his soul has went away.
His wife has fallen upon her knees, to pray to God to help her please.
The baby crying and the mother dying, why did this have to be.
All they know never again her husband they will see!.
The mother and child, soldiers for sure, in their hearts they are beaten sore.
Three true soldiers and three heartaches, all they feel is deep heartbreaks.
The heartaches of these soldiers lye, but still these soldiers will always try.
So always remember these heartaches, and always know just what it takes.
Know it takes strong hearts of gold, be them new or be them old.
You can be a warrior too, just look deep inside of you.
Hope and love fights these heartbreaks, just remember what it takes.
Oh, just remember what it takes.

All alone, in the dark
Hidden in the Shelf
Flailing against the wooden boards
That keep me by myself
Without any light
There is the fear
That someone unknown
May be here
Despite all sounds
And in such despair
No one comes near
No one will dare
Afraid of what is hidden inside
Afraid of what I might confide
Afraid of what I have to hide
I'll never be let out

What a state I was in,
When I went to the bin.
Out of my head,
stay...they said,
I CANT ! I SHANT ! NOOOOOOOOOO!
Just for three days, stay on the ward,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Its too late the doctor states "You've been sectioned!"
What ? No Way! You can't do that.
Smashhh....oh no I smashed the cup.
They wouldn't listen would they?
Three days became twenty eight.
Yes I know the date.

Cracks along the concrete
in my hands are little arms
within me they're waving
trying to catch my eye
glowing under UV
I'm painted
I'm chipped
and smiling I cement myself in
behind the wall
each word carefully placed
dark and comforting
it crumbled away
I'm left blinking with the concrete
all the years I have missed
strewn amongst the rubble
I watch them crawling
entwined with my veins
pushing through my mouth
covering bricks


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A Day At The Circus - contributed by Carsten

Entertainment is to be found in the big tent,
With a fanfare to accompany this great event,
Trumpets and trombones can be heard,
The clash of cymbals and the rattle of castanets.
Then up goes the curtain, and it's on with the circus and its razzmatazz
It'll be a scintillating show.

First come the acrobats
On the high trapeze
On these swinging lunges their lives
There's no safety net so they wear funny hats
As they interlink aerially
A game in which only the best survive.

On the ground intricate displays include
Running through fiery hoops
Vaulting somersaults in the air,
And scything dances round dogs doing loops.
The end of this display is met with rapturous applause
The people holding hands the dogs paws.

Next come the jugglers
They juggle fruit and veg
Each with a hairstyle that makes it look like
They've been dragged through a hedge.
Higher and higher go the balls and batons,
Higher and higher in the air
Five or six at once
And when it's over not a blemish to repair.

In enthusiastic fervor and hubbub has died down,
Comes the time for the strongman to don his super hero jacket,
And join the clown.
When the muscle man arrives from his perch in the crowd,
He gets saluted by the clown and cries, oh no not him!
For which he gets a custard pie and it is time for the clown to cry.
The strongman lifts a massive weight,
Whilst the clown lifts a rubber dumbbell and laughter ends the debate.
The clown drops his weight on his toe and the strongman lifts the pair,
To end the show.
And if you never go you'll never know.

Munipal gentleman in a fine suit
His credentials I would not presume to refute
He mouths all his cliches with eloquent clarity
Esteemed by the staff of the mental health charity
Anti-racism, sexism, homophobia the rest
But I'm sure that it's money he really likes best

A poor man died who really did care
He strung himself up no more could he bare
He wasn't an angel I'm sure that is true
In response to his suicide what did they do?
They acted as if he never had been
Politically correct but incredibly mean

I stay awake till I'm crazy
I take speed till I'm freaking
I pop pills till I'm amazing
I drop acid till I'm psychotic
and I down bottles till I'm fucked
but I could drink a case of you
and still be diamond lucid

I read all the books
I buy all the toys
I watch all the channels
I surf all the web
and I play all the games
but I can just hold you
and be thoroughly fixated

I'm this person to Jon
I'm that person to Eve
I'm not that way with father
I'm everything they need me to be
I'm so certain of who I am
I'm everyone and no-one everyday
but with you I'm unsure
you're my diamond clear mirror

I control my madness
I lose my temper
I displace my anger
I admit my guilt
I shape my persona
I forge my future
I retain my past
I lose my present
but you bring me to the moment
you're my precious instant

But an instant is all I have of you
a flash of gold and then you're gone
a jewel like sparkle of morning dew
of could have beens and should have beens
all wrapped up in words half said
and mis-spelled dreams
I can't read the signs
as we lie in our arms deep in bed

Every day's the same
and I lie and I lie.
I have to hide the pain
When you ask, I say 'fine'.

So don't ask me how I feel
I can't cry anymore
Don't ask me how I am
I can't cry anymore
Everything's so unreal
I'm broken on the floor
I do all that I can
but I can't do more than crawl

So don't ask if I'm OK
I can't cry everyday.

Is there a reason why the sun does not shine?
Conducting an overthrowing shadow in this fragile heart of mine.
Is there reason for this pain I feel,
which is burrowed deep inside
Under darkened secrets which dissolve me,
It finds a place to hide.
Buried under anger buried under shame,
this pain I feel propelling
yelling out my name.
But I am in the box,
the one with endless walls
which in time grows and haunts me with an everlasting fall.
As bitterness devours my heart,
visions sting my eyes
I choke on the reality,
of surroundings I despise.
The icy touch of hatred is buried in my mind,
worthlessness and unimportance are my talents......one will find.
One will find me also sitting in a box,
drowning on realities........never to be touched.
The glazed outside just calls me with images of home,
of happiness and freedom....not being on my own.
But those are only images,
unattainable dreams.
That fill my heart with longing
for an eternity it seems.
as I sit here and I wonder,
Was I meant to feel this way?
Curled up in a ball......hoping it goes away.
Looking in the mirror seeing all there is to see,
a revolting, worthless nothing
just hoping to be free.
I see so much happiness.....that of which I long to be,
But that would just be selfish.....to want that to be me.
As loved ones tear themselves apart
by words which are so cruel,
there is an arrow in my direction blaming "me" the fool.
For no matter how much occurs to me,
no matter how I cry
The harsh stab of accusations label "me" the reason why.
Then I am left in isolation
tortured by mentality..
I reach out for my relief,
which seems so clear to me.
Boiling inside me......AGGRESSION
but mainly pain,
Pain now firing on the outside too
but I must do it again.
Till I feel enough hurting,
till there is no more left to do.....
Just waiting for the scars
during weeks of hiding too.
Is there a reason why the sun doesn't shine, upon my life or me?
Is there reason for continuous pain
and a longing to be free.
For this box can't get much smaller,
all though everlasting too
searching for a something........never to be true.
This body can't take much more
and it does not wish to be,
the revolting, worthless nothing,
that happens to be me.

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Cutting Slowly - contributed by Trisha

Cutting slowly
OH!the pain
Getting deeper and deeper
See the vain

Blood slowly trickling down
you feel dizzy and sick
But still the blood run's free
Feeling weak until you fall
Slowly drifting unconscious

Blood all over the floor
will someone miss you
NO they want
you will be forgotten like everyone else

WILL YOU LIVE
WHO KNOWS

I am drowning, suffocating,
thought I would float because I am empty,
my mind is swimming,
but I still sink deeper.

I am hollow, numb,
thought I could fill the void with pain,
once saw the end of the tunnel,
but now the light has gone out.

She dances with the red people,
they take her hand and lead her astray,
she says that they help her,
to forget the troubles of the day,
they say they are her friends,
and that their way is the best,
and she'd feel a whole lot better,
if she put it to the test,
so she took their advice,
one night whilst sitting in the bath,
she took a blade to her arm,
and made a long, straight scratch,
and as she saw the blood,
flow slowly from her arm,
she new she felt better,
when she resorted to self harm.

Into the outer sectors
holographic projections
of betrayal
'as it is'
is not good enough
lay down your cross
I'll take the thorns
circular downward trail
of blood
is rightfully mine
memories of plastic
we live for the cold black ocean
we deal with the gaping permanent holes
as above
so below
role reversal
in the blink of an eye
pressures mounting
and there is no 'I'
tether a star
too weak to fly
nothing but blood
large red puddles
slippery as babies
red vision
of a plague mass
sacred daggers
the feet of the christ
plunged into the eyes
diseased cells
they are taking over
life's mandelbrot fractal
repeating unto itself
death originates
from that smallest point
vomit forever
the first layer of fears
vomit forever
right under the tears
it's easy to see
suspended in sleep
shadowplay
cold dream mechanics
torture gardens
insect eyes
watching over
soul is a shattered bloody mess
clean striated cuts
super fantasies
clean and free
of all iniquity
and weakness
and so strong
so full of strength
to carry on
carry on
carry on
at the very bottom
we give off our own light
won't someone please help me
I'm so sick and so alone

The enraged sky breathing its malignant rigour across the land
The naked sun begins to fade, and recede out of view beyond the hinterland
A lush layer of mist surfaces from the wailing ground
The trees howl in suffering and adversity, the haze seizes their souls
The darkness gratifies the sinister and seduces the untainted
The flagitious apparitions emerge and revel in the menacing atmosphere
Slaughtering the wraith of the pure, pilfering the righteousness of the kingdom
The blazing inferno falls from the sky engulfing the forests, devastating all in its path
Pandemonium creates its depraved sovereignty upon the foundations of this unsullied earth
Then as the fiery saviour begins to surmount, the malfeasance slowly begins to vanish
The sky becomes alight with desire and reconciliation
And the outset of a fresh day embarks in this abyss

I feel like I'm beginning to not exist...
Every day that passes and scrapes my side
seems to rip from me some part that was never necessary.
They are not missed, they just pass from me quietly.
Overwhelming awe coats me like a film
as I silently disintegrate,
strange sensations fill me as I empty into the world,
chipping away like a statue against the elements.
My mind is soft, my body sore and crumbling,
but this soul - if it is there - is comforted.
I'm breaking down into something finer,
more closely resembling earth...
If I lie down here maybe my soul will take root
and the rest of me will rot,
like nourishment for the young seed.
Possibly there is something left inside
which can grow, which is worth salvaging,
but it will first reach through to defeat
this body and pull it apart...
and it will feel so good to fall.

I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror,
I saw a woman,
A woman with a knife at hand,
And eyes I didn't like,
Eyes that wanted to fight....
When I realized, I was that woman it was to late,
Blood was dripping from my hand.
And I was in a fright

The blood was so red,
That it sacred me cold,
Cause it just bled and bled
I was hurting all over
But mainly I hurt in my heart and my head.
It hurt because what would they think,
If they where to find me dead?

In this world so many people are cold,
They are cold in there heart,
And in there mind.
Why would they care if someone was hurt,
They would turn there heads,
And walk on as if they where blind.
These cold people would not care,
If some one like me fell to the dirt.
They would never be so kind as,
To lend me an arm,
And promise me no harm.

BUT TO THE ONES WHO DO CARE?

How could I explain
I just wanted to feel some thing
Some thing in side.
I never wanted to die.
I wish I some pride,
So I could stand up, and say.
Look everyone I can feel.
But no I don't have any pride,
So excuse me wile,
I run and hide.

Keep inside
Unwilling to weep
Ostensible feelings
Through the cracks,
truth seeps.

With rays of reality,
The barrier is broken
Conformity concludes
The outside spoken.

Power of respect
Leader of many,
Forgotten self
Strength not any.

When infelicity sets in
Hard to be freed,
For the barrier is bound,
It is planted the seed.

I close my eyes
I see myself
Standing alone
In a crowded room
There is silence
As a thousand people
Are talking to me
I see only darkness
Feel only cold
As the sun shines in
On my body
Tears roll down my cheeks
Past the smile on my face
I am screaming
But sounds of laughter
Escape my mouth
I can feel myself dying
While the music plays
And I dance

My mind pulls me back and forth
from sanity to insanity,
joy, happiness, and hope are weak,
while Darkness, Despair, and Hopelessness stand strong.
The struggle has begun.

Now Death arrives.
refuses to retreat.
Calling me,
Taunting me,
Promising me.
The battle begins.

Self confidence, pride and future
All lay wounded,
Barely breathing,
Hardly noticeable,
The battle has ended..
The WAR is never ending.