Lying in bed, restless and awake,
Pill in the drawer
Begging to be taken
One won't sleep until they're gone
But what if one goes too far?
Shall they see the morn

Tis her birthday in less than an hour
What if she's gone?
Will they weep or cry for joy?
Praise one's life or mourn her death?
What's life without her there?
She shall never know for she'll be dead.

"Aww, tis a shame that lass is gone"
What? You talking about me?
Is that what they really think?
What would life have been like
If only I had lived?
Well, one shall never know.

She's now in on-man's land
Awaiting her judgement
A few mourners huddle together
Watching her being lowered into the ground
The tears flow and prayers said
But soon she shall be forgotten

The days pass by and from above she sees
The pain, the grief, the misery
All is ended, all is finished
There is no more to be said
Goodbye dear lass and goodbye to all
A life is ended but one must go on.

That's eleven years of friendship down the drain.
I can never forgive you for the way you treated me.
You used me and lied to me,
How can I forgive you?

You were so different at primary school,
A good laugh and a cheerful person.
But one thing's not changed,
You still use me to your advantage.

Now nearing the end of your fifth year at school,
You seem not to have grown up much,
Though you think you have.
Face up to reality and come back down to earth.
You're only young once but you must also gain an education
And learn to respect others.

I can never forgive you but I'll never forget you.
You cheered me up and comforted me when I was feeling low,
And we shared some good times.
However, you lied to me, used me and broke my trust.
I am not going to blank you out of my life,
But don't expect close friendships.

If I never see or hear from you after this year,
Best of luck for the future and beyond,
Make the most of your life,
Prosper, be happy and live.
I'm sorry our friendship had to end this way,
Goodbye and Good Luck!

As I lie in bed tonight,
I think about my friends,
And wonder "what"
They wonder this night.

I listen to the quiet.
The wind is silent,
The house is still.
It's like the world
Has come to a halt.

I close my eyes,
What do I see?
Faces, memories,
Scary things too.

As I fall asleep tonight,
I just wonder
"What the world wonders tonight?"

Not know where I'm going,
Just wandering in a daze.
I wander around the house,
Wishing life would end.
It seems there's no way out.

Don't know what to do.
I'm trapped inside
A world of depression and loneliness.
Can't get out,
Can't break free.

I need to find the key,
That unlocks the door.
I keep searching, searching
But nothing is there.
I can't get out.

You think it's strange
That I barely speak
But you don't know "why?"
I want to speak out but I just can't,
No matter how hard I try.

Give me time,
Give me a chance.
I'm not lying,
I'm telling the truth,
I just can't open up.

I must keep trying,
I must keep searching.
Till I find the key to happiness,
My voice,
My life!

I feel so confused,
Don't know what to do,
Don't know what to say.

What do I really want?
Can I make it work?
I don't know

All I want is
To be free
Of depression and loneliness,
To live life once more.

I've lost the energy to battle on
For what I want to see.
I've no strength, no courage, no hope.
But I do have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

If I believe in my own abilities
I can see it through.
Must keep trying,
Must keep going.

Fearfully and tearfully I walk along the path
To a life I don't know.
My Lord shall guide me,
From all that is evil.

I must keep going
I must have strength,
Courage,
Hope,
FAITH!

I lie in bed this gloomy night,
Feeling as if nothing can change.
Happiness and hope, long since gone.
I can't cope with the feelings I have.

I want to speak out but can't find my voice.
I want to cry but have no tears.
I know I'm worked up over nothing,
But to me it's something.

There is no-one I can confide in,
No-one who understands.
I know I must battle on,
But I can't find the strength.

As I fall asleep,
I make a wish.
Not for a better life
But that my life would end.

I feel guilty about thinking this,
But it's like the end of the world.
Nothing can change,
Life will stay the same.

I know I'm wrong,
I know there's a way.
But today,
I feel like drowning in my sorrow.

Don't know how to cope,
Can't find a way to survive.
I need help I know.
Maybe tomorrow I'll find courage
But today all I want
Is to CRY!

I know I must help myself,
I know I must believe.
I'm the only one
Who can change my life.
People can tell me things,
People can do things to me.
But no-one can make me
Break free from my depression
But me

My hopes were high,
My spirits are low.
That's what I get
For thinking positive.

I don't know what to say,
What to do.
I'm just stressed out
And no-one understands.

I pray to God
That all will go well
And things will improve.
I just want to live a normal life once more.

Every time something happens
The same thing happens
I fall into depression
Unable to save myself.

I must come clean
And talk to someone.
The pressure is too much,
I just hope it's the right choice.

I've not much time,
I'm reaching breaking point.
I've only days left,
If I don't spill, don't ask what next.

No-one wants to know though,
Whey should they listen
To my troubled mind.
They're probably too busy
And I'm just a coward.

I lying awake in bed,
It's late but I can't sleep.
Can't stop thinking,
Can't stop worrying.

The meeting's on Monday,
Only one person knows.
I can't help but lie,
I want to tell the truth.

Need to talk,
Need to cry,
I need someone who understands.

Can't explain how I feel,
I'm looking forward to
Yet dreading
The meeting.

Things can't go on like this,
I can't go on like this.
I need my sleep,
I need to be free.

Ashamed of lying,
Terrified to tell,
There's no way out.

Must I lie,
Must I cry,
Why can't I
Be normal?

The sun drops beneath the hills
And disappears from view.
The sky is red and beautiful,
The moon is high up in the sky.
We say goodnight to the sun
As she falls beneath the horizon
But tomorrow she'll rise again.

I've got a good home,
Caring friends and family,
So why am I unhappy?

I've a lot to life for,
Nothing to lose,
But I'm not happy.

Oh! Why me?
It could have been anyone
Who fell into this trap.

I've lost all hope,
All happiness and joy.
All I've left is a home and family.

I guess I'm just unlucky
Or am I that bad?
Why me?

My heart's beating quickly,
I can't breathe normally,
I'm in a panic.
I feel real bad about everything;
The lying, the secrets, the clamming up,
I'm losing sleep over it.
I know I need to talk
But writing's so much easier.
Is there an in between strategy
Which may help?
I wish there were.
If only...
No. I must stand up for myself
And be independent.
I need time to think,
To consider my options.
Then I can decide
What's best for me.

The land is vast and wide,
Mountains block my path.
Deserts, oceans and forests
All encountered during my trek.

The journey is tough and demanding,
Long though educating.
The end is near,
I just have to carry on.

There are times when I lose hope
And think I won't survive.
But God gives me the strength
To carry on.

I watch the sunrise
Light up the sky
And know that God is near,
Following me all the way.

The day is just beginning
Signalling a new start.
You are always
Close by me
Helping me carry on.

Through every day,
Every journey
You are there
With God following me always.

I walk through the door
There's no-one there.
I look outside
But no-one's in site.

I wander around for a bit
Before collapsing into a heap.
Desperate am I,
Lonely am I,
No-one there to answer my cry.

Many a time have I cried for help
Only to get no reply.
This is my final cry,
I can take no more.

Sorry all,
This is not for me.
I'm weak and desperate,
It's the only way out.

With tears in my eyes
I pray to God for forgiveness.
For what I wish to do is
The worst sin
In the Roman Catholic Church
But I can't take anymore.

No-one to talk to,
No-one to take me seriously.
I'm close to giving up
But I know I shouldn't.
I don't feel courageous,
I feel weak and tired.

It's been nearly three years
Since my first plea for help
And things have turned worse by the day.
I know I can't expect miracles
But I've given up hope.
SORRY!

Sitting in silence,
Nothing to do,
No-one realises I'm here.

Tired and lonely,
Depressed and weak,
Just don't know what to do.

Medicine may help me
But not in the long term,
I need the will to survive.

I have a sense of hope
That this time it will work
But only if I want it it.

I've got to try
Or do I really want to die?
Taking my life ain't the right solution,
Things can change
If I try.

No-one there
To provide comfort and support.
No-one there
To listen to my fears.
All alone
Not knowing what to do.
All I want is someone
Who understands.

Every time I think
About Geography
The same thing happens,
Every time I think
About life
The same thing happens,
I fall into a state
Of depression.

How I long to be told
That I can drop Geography,
How I long to have
Someone to talk to.

Day after day I wait,
In hope,
That one day
Things will change
And I will be happy again.

I desperately need
Someone to take me seriously,
To listen to my thoughts and feelings.
How I long for a shoulder to cry on.

My feelings are strong
And no-one can change them.
I'm hurting
Cos of all of this
And I'm close to suicide
But I know that's not the answer.
It's taking a lot of self-control
Not to kill myself.

I need to talk,
I need to cry,
I need someone
So desperately.

Wide awake
In bed I lie,
Surrounded by
Silence.
I need to talk
But no-one's here,
I just want
To help myself.

Things have got
Worse
Instead of
Better,
I don't know
If I can cope.
I just want
To be able
To talk
One to one
About the
Things
That worry me.
Is that too much
To ask?
I hope not.

Night and day
I ask myself, "why?",
I am here on earth
Living my life
Like everyone else.

Hour after hour
I ask myself, "why?",
I don't just speak up
And let it out.

Minute after minute
I ask myself, "why?",
I don't change
My life
And be different.

Second after second
I ask myself, "why?",
Things just get
Worse
Instead of better.

Why don't I know
The answers
To my thoughts?
I want to know.
Every moment
Of the day
I want to know.

Years of pain, anger, misery
All repressed to the back of my mind.
Haunting my days and nights,
Just touching the surface of my conscious mind,
Surfacing as depression
Causing me despair and anxiety.
Why didn't I realise this earlier?
Now it's a bit late
That harm's been done,
I can't change the past.
I must now seek to find a way
To rid myself of this anger, hatred,
Pain and misery,
Which has been repressed,
To be found in my unconscious mind.
I wait in hope that things will change
And I will free myself,
That I can open the doors
To speech so I may
Share my innermost feelings
With those I trust, love and care for.

It's an uphill struggle
But no-one said it would be easy.
I've got to have the courage,
The will to survive.
I've taken the first step
In admitting I've a problem,
So perhaps now I can change.
It's all in the mind
So I must put my mind to work,
Sort out my muddled head
And piece together the mysteries.
Live is here for living
Not for giving,
So I must battle on
To cure myself.

I lie in bed at night
Thinking, dreaming,
Crying.
No-one to talk to
For fear of what might happen.
I can't talk about
How I feel
For fear of causing trouble.
All I can do is live
In fear, pain,
In distress.

Every time I open
My mouth
I put my life at risk.
I must keep to myself
For if anything happens
It would most likely
Drive me off the edge.
But if I say nothing
The same thing
Might happen.
Then I would
No longer exist
As a living being
But only as a spirit,
A memory, a name.

Feeling as if
Things will never change.
Feeling that
Things can only get worse.
Not wanting to live
But only die,
Just wanting to escape
That's how I feel.

It's hard to think positive,
To look to the future.
It's hard to believe
Things will get better.
I can't see a better life
What I am happy again.
No hope left in me
To live my life.

I want to talk
About how I feel,
I want to survive
To tell my tale.
I just can't find
Anybody who
Will listen to me,
I see no way to survive.

No-one to turn to
For comfort and support.
No-one who can handle
My moods and emotions.
All I want
Is a friend
Whom I can turn to
When things get rough,
To be there to
Listen
Not necessarily give advice.
Someone who will
Just be there for me.

Sitting in my bed
This early morn'
Thinking about the previous day.
I toss and turn
'Til the clock strikes two,
I weep and cry
For a' it's worth.
I know I need to shout out loud
And get my feelings out
But how can I
Without a tear
An' all the hassle too.
I just want to say to you
Your wish will come true.
For one day
I will succeed
To live another day.
An' I will live
In hope and joy
Wi' all the world.
That's what I pray
This early morn'.

I know
It's hard for you too,
To help me through.
I am thankful
For your kindness
And your lovin' ways
I hate to have to
Tell you this
But it ain't
All good and true.
For as I write
This wintry night
I think about
How I feel.
I want to get rid of
All the hate, the anger
And the blame.
I think about
Punishing myself,
I can't help but take the blame
For how thou feels tonight.
I just wanted you to know
You did no wrong.
You helped me see
That I am me
My own unique creation.

No-one can change
How I feel
No-one can tell me
What to do.
It's my choice
To live or die
And I neither want
To live or die
I don't know what I want.
Right now I feel
Like taking a knife
To my wrists
And cause myself pain.
For I cannot cope
With how I feel.
Neither can I cope
With their reactions.
I cannot see a light
At the end of this tunnel,
I just see a
Big black cloud
All heavy with rain.
I see no end
To this misery
Just a big, black cloud.

Walking through a tunnel
All alone.
No light at the other end
Not even a speck.
It's cold and dark,
No-one's here.
I hear friendly voices
From behind,
Telling me to turn back.
But there are voices in front too
Urging me forward.
I don't know which
Way to go,
Back to the safety of my friends
Or into the darkness
To a world I do now know.

Sitting at my table
Don't know what to do.
Thoughts and feelings
Running through my mind.

Unhappiness and despair,
I can't deal with my feelings.
I want to escape
Into a world with no pain.

I no longer can cope,
Living is too painful.
Everyday I'm suffering,
Always on the edge.

I want to be free
Of my depression
But see no hope
For the future.

I've given up hope,
The will to survive
It's all too much
For me to handle.

I cannot live another day
The way I feel today.
I'm sorry
But that's the way I feel.

Today I feel
Like crying
I can picture
A better life
But it is so distant
I try to reach out
And grasp the vision
Without success.
It's slipping
Away from reach
Everyday.

My life's like a
Flower in the sun,
Wilting due to
Lack of care and
Attention.
The flower
Can bloom again
With water and shade
Just as I can
With comfort and support.

Yes,
Things can get better
Like a flower in the sun
But it takes time
And cannot be
Achieved alone.

Human life
Is very much like a flower's.
We start from seed,
Grow, blossom. Reproduce
And die
We wilt if we
Are not cared for
Are we not all flowers then?

We can be whatever
We like.
Any flower,
Anyone.
We are unique
And all different
Like flowers.
Just picture yourself
As a flower,
Which would you be?
A sweet little snowdrop
Or a thorny rose.

Where are you
When I need you most?
When the day are long
And the nights are sleepless?
All along
With no-one to turn to,
No-one there
Who seems to care.
Where are you?

Standing in the edge,
Not of a cliff
But of my life.
Dangerously close
Not knowing why?
A step forward
And I am no more,
A step back to the pain.
It is a matter of
Life and death.

They don't understand
The troubles I'm going through.
No-one understands
My deep lasting sadness.

People around me,
Trying to help
But they don't listen
To the voice that's calling.

Inside I know what I want,
Inside I'm hurting true and deep.
But on the outside
I've put up a wall.

They can't see this pain,
This world of misery.
All they see is someone
Who is functioning.

Why don't they listen
To the voice that's calling?
Why don't they listen
To my cries?

Everyday I wake up
With black cloud hanging over me.
Every night I fall asleep
Dreaming of how I'll end my misery
Gone is my will to live,
Gone are my happy days.
All hope departed,
All faith is lost.
I know Jesus shares
My suffering
But still I can't go on.
Night after night
I cry for help,
Falling asleep
Waiting for a reply.

I long to die yet know I must live.
So much pain yet so much to live for.
What to do? which to choose?
All alone with no-one who understands.
Classed as selfish, weak, sinners
When really we are just in deep pain.
To die or live, which one to choose?

Death is forever, you can't turn back time.
But the pain is so deep, overpowering and lonely.
What are the chances of getting better?
Depression is forever, it can't be cured.
Can I really live with this pain, this suffering?
How can I carry on and keep my spirits up?
I call to you, Oh Father, where are you?

I have so much to live for, my life ahead of me.
Ambitions and dreams which I long to fulfill.
I can learn to cope and learn to live.
A test of my strength and faith,
A gift I've been given, from my God.
With the gift of my experiences
A role I have to play so others will live.

Which is best, life or death?
As I ponder on my decision I pray for guidance.
I pray for strength and peace in my heart,
For those also in pain in need of help.
I am never alone, He is always there,
When the pain gets too much, I pray to God
For my suffering to be relieved.
The choice is always mine but never am I alone.